tsunami

i feel
the wave
no the tsunami
coming to overtake me
i don't know what to do with it
the rage comes overwhelming me
seemingly from nowhere it overtakes me
enveloping my mind, my body, and my soul
i feel the rise of adrenaline surge from within me
my pulse quickens, my hands quiver, my lungs constrict
i want to throw things, destroy things, obliterate things, decimating me
where the fuck does this come from? how long can i hold it in? god damn it!!!
what am i supposed to do, overcome with a desire to destroy, as i sit surrounded by people
people who don't know who i really am, what i'm really going through, what i desire
so i write and write and write and somehow desperately cry out in this moment
please god let it pass bring peace bring freedom bring rest from me
i can feel my body relax i want to weep to run away to hide
jesus christ make it stop just make it go away
make this part of me go away
i can't do this by myself
god i need to get away
hide from my own
destruction
god help
me