while i'm at it
just thinking about you makes me come close to losing control
i want to tell you that i fucking hate you that you suck at your job
that all i am and was to you is a paycheck and that i was too much for you
you didn't know what to do with me so you did nothing
i think i scared the shit out of you and you were too afraid to tell me
i was too much like you and you couldn't handle it
or is it that you really don't have any fucking idea about what you're doing?
you obviously don't give a shit since it's been a month without a word
so what do i do now, huh?
what the fuck do i do?
i'm so fucking angry at you, but i've never been someone to say it
i bottle it up inside until i explode, usually only harming myself in the process
you're not fucking worth that
why did you just let me go?
why didn't you come after me?
thanks for nothing
i want to tell you that i fucking hate you that you suck at your job
that all i am and was to you is a paycheck and that i was too much for you
you didn't know what to do with me so you did nothing
i think i scared the shit out of you and you were too afraid to tell me
i was too much like you and you couldn't handle it
or is it that you really don't have any fucking idea about what you're doing?
you obviously don't give a shit since it's been a month without a word
so what do i do now, huh?
what the fuck do i do?
i'm so fucking angry at you, but i've never been someone to say it
i bottle it up inside until i explode, usually only harming myself in the process
you're not fucking worth that
why did you just let me go?
why didn't you come after me?
thanks for nothing
posted by Warring Counselor at 12:58 AM
3 Comments:
I surfed on to your blog tonight. Your words have touched me deeply. Because they would be what I would write if I could express myself so candidly. I think we will survive but sometimes weariness and disillusionment makes it hard to see the light. I used to pray too but am now reticent to reconnect to the Love I once knew. Is honesty and candidness what God wants of us even when we forget how to talk with Him?
thank you for your comments. i have to admit that i'm always intrigued by "anonymous" comments...but nevertheless, i'm thankful you're up for the interaction.
i guess that i haven't forgotten 'how to talk' to God...it's just that i don't think it matters 'how' to anymore. as in my recent post...nothing changes. so i 'pray' by being candid. i'm not gonna pull punches or bite my tongue. i do enough of that every waking moment of my life. in this space, i'm gonna be honest about how shitty life is at the moment...and i suppose that's the best form of prayer i can have at this point. i don't think God wants me to pray using all the "right" words and phrases...if God is the God that i think i believe in, then God wants my heart, not a talking head.
the hard part for me about responding to posts is how to remain honest without coming across incorrectly. as i just read over my words i felt as though they were honest, yet more harsh than i intended them to sound. i hope that if you come across this response you know that i am truly thankful for this interaction and that i value your input. i hope you take my response as my beliefs and heart and not as an attack. in other words, thanks for responding and i hope you continue to!
shoot! i forgot a question i had...
were your comments based upon the 'while i'm at it post' or my blog in general? because the 'while...' post wasn't directed at God. but you certainly got me thinking! ;)
thanks again your comments...
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