the derailed train of my thoughts
it's been a long time since i've written anything here
sharing my heart, silently screaming to those who care,
to those who check here now and again when work is too much
when their lives are too full, and a little dose of the other
is needed to escape the reality of life, to sincerely check in
to wonder, to explore, to peep at the heart of one who does
his best to offer it honestly, truly, without holding back
so here i sit, in the middle of nowhere, wondering
how the hell did i end up here
i miss Seattle
i miss my Friends
i miss The City, the culture, the people
i miss the business, the climate, the water, the mountains,
what I wouldn't give to wake up and see Rainier,
to have papers due, to have topics to discuss,
to have reading groups, to have anything of the life that i once knew
i miss my Friends
i miss Seattle
i feel all alone
in the middle of a frozen tundra
with no one who knows me
with no one who knows what the fuck
to "pursue" means let alone to actually
pursue
me
damn transitions are hard
i am only a student on paper,
earning my final credits,
i think i had forgotten how difficult,
and shallow the rest of the world was
outside the walls of MHGS
God i want take the blue pill,
can't i take it all back?
because the path i've gone down is
irrevocable
inconceivable
isolated
impossible
what am i to do?
i'd do anything for
hope
direction
connection
meaning
community
God give me
something
anything
a sign
a nod
a wink
a nudge
a point in the right direction
a hint that i'm ok
a feeling
a purpose
a hope
a hope
God give me hope
just a little hope
please, God, give me hope
sharing my heart, silently screaming to those who care,
to those who check here now and again when work is too much
when their lives are too full, and a little dose of the other
is needed to escape the reality of life, to sincerely check in
to wonder, to explore, to peep at the heart of one who does
his best to offer it honestly, truly, without holding back
so here i sit, in the middle of nowhere, wondering
how the hell did i end up here
i miss Seattle
i miss my Friends
i miss The City, the culture, the people
i miss the business, the climate, the water, the mountains,
what I wouldn't give to wake up and see Rainier,
to have papers due, to have topics to discuss,
to have reading groups, to have anything of the life that i once knew
i miss my Friends
i miss Seattle
i feel all alone
in the middle of a frozen tundra
with no one who knows me
with no one who knows what the fuck
to "pursue" means let alone to actually
pursue
me
damn transitions are hard
i am only a student on paper,
earning my final credits,
i think i had forgotten how difficult,
and shallow the rest of the world was
outside the walls of MHGS
God i want take the blue pill,
can't i take it all back?
because the path i've gone down is
irrevocable
inconceivable
isolated
impossible
what am i to do?
i'd do anything for
hope
direction
connection
meaning
community
God give me
something
anything
a sign
a nod
a wink
a nudge
a point in the right direction
a hint that i'm ok
a feeling
a purpose
a hope
a hope
God give me hope
just a little hope
please, God, give me hope
posted by Warring Counselor at 8:06 PM
3 Comments:
Hi ~
You don't know me and I don't know you... I came across your blog tonight as I was browsing through mhgs.edu.
I just had to stop and say that your posts have been so refreshingly vulnerable to me. I can't stop reading them!
I'm sorry... I don't understand the aspects of "Hope" enough to make cheap promises that "it's out there somewhere." All I can say is that your words are absolutely beautiful and thank you for writing them.
Take care of yourself,
Jane
"Jane",
Thank you for your kind words. I've taken some time away from writing and have been considering starting again.
When I write, I'm overwhelmed/overloaded with life and it generally just spills out. I don't filter it out...I say what's real, the things that I often have left unsaid.
Thank you, again for leaving your comments. When I hear that people are moved by them, I find little moments of hope - for both myself and for all of us.
Blessings...
Mike
may you find grace in the wilderness..mike.
-c.keane
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